I love kids. I have always loved kids. A lot of people say that the reason why is because I never grew up myself and I feel more comfortable with people of my maturity level, lol. I will admit I never want to grow up and you're only as old as you feel. Physically - as you know, I'm working on that - more energy and better health. But mentally sometimes I forget I'm 23 instead of 17, lol. I was reminded of my age the other when talking to my 16 year old cousin and his new girlfriend when he made a face to her that said something like "she's so weird" after I made an intentionally lame joke. When I saw that face it hit my like a ton of bricks that I was that weird older person we used to make fun of when I was that age, haha! Woops. I think I might have embarrassed him in front of his new girl, lol. But I have always had a heart for kids. It has a lot to do with being misunderstood, I think. As a kid I didn't have a lot of friends. Because of the group I was around, it wasn't really acceptable to be different and I've never really been one to follow the crowd. I was a tom-boy when I was to be a girly-girl. So none of the girls would hang out with me because I wanted to do what the boys where doing and the boys didn't want me around because I was a girl. Sometimes it got to me, I won't lie. I did want friends but not enough to pretend to be someone I wasn't. It became very important to me to accepted for who I was because I knew God made this way for a reason. We were always taught that God loves us for who we are so it didn't make sense to me to be anyone else but me. I just remember struggling a lot with this when I was young. I just wished someone could understand how I felt. Over the years it started to become important to me to try and understand kids and what they may be going through, try to be there for them and help them understand - if I can. Of course being yourself is important but it's not an excuse to do what you want. There are limitations as there are with everything. Morals are a huge part of this. Lets be honest, without God in your heart you will always be searching. Searching to find yourself, someone or something to fill that void that will ALWAYS be there without Him. Sadly this is something that I'm not completely free to talk with my students about. But I do my best to be some kind of example for them. I'm always open for questions. That's one thing that's cool about these kids, they take almost every opportunity to get to know you. They are constantly asking me questions, wanting to get to know me and I love getting to know them. My heart goes out to this generation. They are growing up in a really rough world and most of them don't have parents to guide and lead them. The other day I was walking down the hall with my little cousin and one of her friends when my little cousin told me that her friend has been on T.V. because she had been kidnapped last summer. Then her friend told me about how her mother was now in jail because she had kidnapped her and his siblings and ran away with them across the country to hide them from their father. She talked about it like it was no big deal, just everyday stuff. It broke my heart. It's rare to meet kids who's parents are both in the picture much less married. As much as people like to think it doesn't effect the kids it does. Dramatically. It was intended by God for children to be raised by both man and women. Obviously man and women are very different. We each teach something completely different. One can not do what the other does. A lot of kids today are growing up in a world of confusion because they don't the leaders God intended for them to have. I feel like it's really important to do everything I can to help. I can only do so much but I always say if I could be even the tiniest light for some of the kids here than I have done my job. That's all I want to do. Yes, I am a substitute teacher - my job is to teach but that doesn't mean that I can't be something positive in their day if I can. I love these kids, even though some days they make me want to pull my hair out, lol. But that's just kids. One thing I love about my job is because I'm a substitute I move around a lot. So I'm constantly meeting new people and kids which I love! I made some new friends this year as well.
Basically my goal in life is to be something positive in someones life or day or whatever. I am DEFINITELY not perfect! By any means. Trust me, if you spend 5 minutes with me, you'll see that right away. 'Progress not perfection' doesn't just apply in working out. There's always room for improvement! I have been trying very hard to improve on myself and my life. I am never going to be perfect. No one ever will. We aren't meant to be but we should always strive to be better. This is something I constantly am having to tell myself. I am realist. I can see things either way and usually for what they really are. I want to work to be more of an optimist. I don't want to be that person that's blind to things just because they refuse to see the negative but I don't want to be that person who isn't remembering how thankful I should be for everything in my life. Whether I like it or not, everything happens for a reason and it's to better me, to learn from. I don't want to be a pessimist. How am I supposed to be something positive in someones life if I'm always complaining about everything in it. And what fun is it to always be seeing the glass as half empty? It only makes you miserable anyways. Long story short, I've got a lot to work on and when it comes to having my own kids, I've got a lot to teach. Is it bad to say that it scares me to think about to raising kids in today's world? But if God chooses to bless me and my husband with little ones, than hey, it's obviously part of His plan and I'm good with whatever he has planned for me. I just need to try my hardest and do my best with whatever that is.
Thanks for reading! Until next time, love harder, be more understanding and seek God with all your heart!
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