My Last Day

   I hate to say it but today is my last day in the class that I have been in for the past 3 months. I'm not ready to go! You know when I first heard I was doing this job, I was looking forward to this day because I knew I would miss my other students but now that it's here, I know I'm REALLY going to miss these guys! They have become such a big part of my life. And not just the students but the teachers in the room as well! It's weird to think next time I'm back here at school I will be in a class all alone until the students come in. Who am I going to eat with at lunch? Who am I going to talk to at planning time? I usually like to work alone because there's less pressure and not always having to worry about someone else not approving of something you're doing or them wanting to do it another way but now that I've been here for so long, I'm going to feel super lonely.

   Yesterday they did somethings for me since it's my last day, well, it wasn't my last day but it was the last day I would be able to work with the teacher over the room because she left to go to Disney so she wouldn't be able to be here today. So we ordered in lunch and she paid for us all - how sweet is that!? Also, they got me a gift with a card that was signed by all the students (awww!) and to top it all off (as if it could even get any better) they got strawberry CHEESECAKE!!!! I love cheesecake!!!!! Truly, I didn't even know what to do with myself! They said I turned red and looked like I was about to cry. Maybe I did and maybe I was about to but...I'll never tell, haha! Come on, don't tell me you wouldn't either! That'd make anybody feel good! I've been so blessed and lucky to work with such awesome people! They have been great! They've made me feel so welcomed. I wish I could just stay. But I will definitely be stopping by to see them hopefully quite often but also I will be going to Special Olympics with them too. At least that's what I'm planning. I'm doing my best to leave that day open to be there with them! I really want to go. I've never been before and I want to be there to support and cheer them on! I'm really looking forward to that! I think it's going to be a lot of fun!

   Working with the kids here is actually a lot of fun. It's hard work too but it's also fun! Only in the last few days did I finally start to catch on to this. Like in P.E. the last few days, instead of just standing there getting frustrated in trying to prompt the kids to get active, I got out there and got active myself and made it fun and they've joined in. I've played basketball the last while with some of the boys, as bad as I am at it, it was a lot of fun! Even my student has been more energetic and doing more. She can't play basketball but we work with a hoop that is on wheels. I do it with her and she seems to actually enjoy it. She even willingly does the stares - which she usually hates and refuses to do, lol. It's been so encouraging to see her progress! I'm sad that I won't get to work with her everyday now. I'm really going to miss her. And I feel like I've made relationships with these kids. I'm definitely not going to forget them and I hope they don't forget me either. lol! These are some of the sweetest kids you'll ever meet! Sadly next year the student I'm with is moving up to the High School along with one of the other students who has stolen my heart. I'm really going to miss them both! I'm usually at the Middle School. I rarely go to the High School. But if I do go any next year, I'll need to make a point to stop in and see them both! But enough of this. It's my last day here and I need to spend some time with these awesome kids!

Going to Dollywood!!

   So I'm excited! I found out last night that me and Dillon will be going to Pigeon Forge tomorrow night and than spending Saturday in Dollywood! It's the Festival of Nations. I actually had never been to Dollywood until right before New Years this past year and I really like it. It's not so crazy like other parks. But I am excited about going to the Festival of Nations because of all the cool things from other countries that are going to be there! I thought that it was going to be me, Dillon and our best friend Austin but he has to work so it'll be me and Dillon and I'm excited about that because we haven't got to see each other much lately. And if we do get to see each other it ends up being with other people so there's not much one on one time with each other. It honestly feels like I haven't seen him in weeks. At one point I didn't see him for 3 days straight. Our schedules weren't matching up and the only time I saw him was while he was sleeping and that SUCKED! So I'm excited to be able to spend sometime with each other this weekend, just me and him. But no roller coasters for me this time, haha! I did it last time and it was awful, lol. Me and roller coasters don't mix. I wish I could but I just can't do heights. Dillon talked me into last time and road The Eagle and it was one of those 'face your fears' type deal and my fears won, haha! Yeah, not good for me, I had tunnel vision the whole time. I was on the verge of passing out but I was too scared to pass out because then my head would be being jerked all over the place, lol. I think there was like 3 loops. It was awful. And of course Dillon thought it was hilarious, haha, but I was terrified for my life, haha! But I survived, lol. So, I plan on just people watching this time, lol. 

   Oh! Workout update! Like I said for the program that we are doing it's 2 circuits of 4 sets. You do circuit 1 as many times as you can for 7 minutes then move to circuit 2 and do that as many times and you can for 7 minutes then repeat it all. Each circuit has 4 different sets you do. Like a certain amount of push-ups, tricep dips, squats and sit-ups - or whatever it is that you're working out that day. Well, yesterday we worked out arms and abs. We did weighted squats, tricep dips, push-ups and V-ups for the first circuit and for the second circuit it was sit-ups, planking, mountain climbers and leg-lifts. for the 1st circuit we did it twice in 7 minutes and the same for the 2nd circuit. And when we did it again we got through two times on the 1st circuit and then I only made it once on the 2 circuit. But that (I feel like) is quite an improvement for me! I'm super stoked! But I'm sad because Friday is time for us to do the full body workout and I will be gone, so I have to have her send me the program so I can hopefully do it at the hotel, haha! I'm going to try and make Dillon do it with me, haha! He would die, haha. I'm going to make him do it, lol. Plus I need someone to do it with me and encourage me. We'll see. So there it is, I hope you all are having a good day!

It's Wednesday!

   It's arms and abs day for me. I love doing arms......abs not so much, lol. I have abs, they're just under 3 layers of something else, haha! Nah, I don't have any abs so this is going to be hard. Sit ups hate me and I'm not so fond of them myself, lol. But hey, if it doesn't hurt than it's not doing me any good. Pain is my friend right now, lol. Pain is the fat screaming out because it's dying, haha. Believe it or not I actually really like being sore. It a good kind of pain. Which still sucks but it's a good kind of pain that makes me feel accomplished. But I hope tonight I can set myself at a better pace so I don't over do it or become exhausted before my muscles does. That was my favorite thing the first time I did it. My muscles got tired before I did. But I was pushing it a bit too much Monday and I definitely get exhausted before my muscles did because I was so concentrated on beating the clock but tonight I need to focus more doing the workout and doing it right at a safe pace. I'll make more progress this way. It's not doing me any good to try and beat the clock. I need to focus on doing things right. Progress not perfection. 

   So today is Wednesday and I'm kind of sad. I don't want this week to be over. It's my last week doing this maternity leave in a special needs class. I'm not ready to go. It's become a part of my everyday life. Of course I miss all the other students that I'm with a lot but I'm really going to miss these guys. They are so sweet! I might have grown attached, lol. I will be back in here again at the end of April for a week while one of the ladies goes on vacation and I'm looking forward to that. And I'm sure that I'll be in there at other points the rest of the year. But to think that this is my last week in here...it just went by so fast! I'm not really sure I'm going to do with myself! These kids are so sweet and whether or not I've made a difference in their lives, they have definitely made a difference in my life! So much! And the teachers I've been working with are great! Most people I've worked with just kind of brush off the sub in the room and make us the errand runner, lol. But these ladies are great! They totally welcomed me in and really made me feel like I was in the part of the room! I couldn't be more thankful for the team I've been placed with for the last 3 months. I will miss them just as much as I will miss the kids. I'm not going to lie, when I accepted this job I was really nervous and ready for it to be over before it even started. I had never been a companion to one student like this before. I had worked with her before but it was last year and the teachers in the room pretty much did the difficult things for me but since I was going to be in here for a while I knew that I was going to have to learn to do it all myself and I was quite nervous about it but it's been so good! I'm not saying it's been all glamour but I've definitely learned a lot and have grown to love these kids! I'm really going to miss them. I'm just going to do my best to really enjoy and love on them these next two days. From our little jokes, hugs, playing basketball to my little afternoon buddy and all in between, lol. I'm going to miss them. But I definitely plan on dropping in on them from time to time. So as sad as it all is it's not the end, lol. I also plan on going to Special Olympics with them too. I'm looking forward to that!  

Workout Update

   You know, I really wish I could post emojis with that title because I would have some perfect ones for that, haha! Mostly ones that look like they're in pain, lol! Anyways, well, yesterday was leg day over at my friends house. And we totally killed at first! Especially compared to my last attempt last week. Last week I didn't even make it through my first set which included 4 different workouts that needed to be completed as many times as you could in 7 minutes. I think it was like 30 knee-ups, 25 squats, 24 lunges and 15 jump squats. The second set was like 15 burpees, 20 cross squats, 30 weighted step-ups and 15 medicine ball squats and press. After completing both sets, you go back and do it all over again, so it ends up being like a 30 minute workout. And it's nice because it's at your own pace. Yeah you're timed but you have only 7 minutes to complete each set and whether you've completed it or not you have to stop and move on. Ok so I didn't make it through the first set once, or the second set. Well, this time I made it through the first set once with time to spare and almost made it through another half!! I completed the second set as well! But than it was like I hit a brick wall when we started back on the first set. I think I made it through two of the first different workouts and then had to call it quits. I had apparently gotten too over excited and was struggling to get my heart under control. Luckily I felt in coming on so I was able to stop before it got too far out of hand. I spent the next 15 minutes pacing and concentrating on trying to get my breathing under control until my cousin finished her work out. After she was finished we did two laps around her place to make sure all was good because I still had to drive home, ha. I was really disappointed. In a way I felt like I did much better than last week because I was able to do more in less time but than again I was really disappointed because I didn't even finish the full workout and the week before I didn't technically do the full workout either but I lasted the full 28 minutes. This time I only lasted about 18 minutes. Which is a pretty big cut. So, I was really upset but she just kept telling me that I need to listen to my body and that maybe I jumped into it too quickly and pushed too hard. I also didn't really eat anything that day and I think that played into it too. At least that's what I'm telling myself, haha! But although it didn't turn out as good as I thought it was going at the beginning, it was still a good workout. I'm sore and Still feel like I did some work. I did the best I could do which may not have been the best that I have done but I still did my best. And that's all that matters! 

   This is something that I have to keep telling myself. And something my workout buddy drives into me, haha. Along with "better booty better body" haha! She's a fitness freak, lol. Really, I don't even know why she's doing this, she looks great but as she says "there is always room for improvement". Which is true. We can always improve ourselves. I've still got a long way to go but I'm well on my way! Like I've said, I might not get the crazy-awesome results that some other girls have but I'm going to compare myself to them. I'm trying to better me. I am trying to be healthy, not super skinny or whatever. I'm happy with the progress I'm making. Even though it's not quite what I was hoping it'd be yesterday it was still a lot more than I thought it'd be in just one week. I mean last week almost killed me, haha! But I feel a lot better! I have more energy. I just need to stick to it. I'M GOING TO DO THIS!!

Inspiration Comes From Small Things Too

 

 I take my little cousin home everyday from school and of course we talk a lot during this time. She is 11 years old and quite bright. Friday when we were on our way home she told me she had something to tell me. She seemed nervous so I was very anxious to hear, lol. She asked me if I would be able to come one Wednesday morning before school to the classroom where kids from her school meet, it's kind of like a short bible study before school. I asked what for and she told me that she talked to teacher that over sees it and that she will be speaking sometime soon and she wanted me to come to support her. She said "I'm really nervous and I don't really want to do it but I feel like I need to because I know other people struggle with this and I don't think God would appreciate me keeping it to myself." She then started to tell me about a book she is reading. She said "It's mostly talking to girls but I know boys struggle with this too. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves and may have someone they would rather be." This book she is reading is about being you and loving the you that God created. She told me the statement that stuck out to her the most was "if you think you're not good enough than you're saying that God's creation isn't good enough." Of course there is room for improvement. We should all try to be better but be the better you, don't compare yourself to someone else and think you need to be more like them. God chose you to be the way you are because he wanted it that way. He did it on purpose. You are on purpose. He shaped you to be different. No one else out there is like you. Think about it, how boring would it be if there was others like you? Everyone wants to be different to an extent but most want to be different in other ways than what they already are. This was something I used to struggle with in middle school as well but I finally got exhausted with trying to be someone other than me and learned to love being who God created me to be. I do struggle with physical issues still but I am currently working on that and so far it is going very well. I will talk more about that in a little while. But I finally started to realized that God made me specifically the way he wanted me to be and I need to respect that. I'm finally now happy being who I am. I may not always like what everyone else likes, I might not do what everyone else does, dress like everyone else does, think like everyone else does, etc. But I don't have to try anymore and I have never been happier. I'm surrounded by people who get me and like that I'm different or weird and they may laugh at me sometimes but it's a laugh that is more like we are laughing together and not trying to tear me down. Yeah, we definitely laugh at each other but it's never to be ugly. It's nice to have friends that love you for who you truly are and not for who you're trying to be. That was one thing that was hard for me, in middle school I remember people telling other people things about me that they liked but it wasn't really me - it was someone I was trying to be and I remember it just making me feel so low knowing that was there their favorite thing about me and it wasn't even me. Not even close. It's so nice to be able to be me. I don't have to try anymore. Listening to my little cousin talk reminded me of all that stuff I went through trying to find myself. Those were some rough memories, haha! Gosh, I'm so glad I'm done with middle and  high school, haha! I was always one to not care for all the drama. And in a lot of my friends eyes, if I wasn't being a part of the drama than I didn't care about them. Even as a kid I always wanted to be around adults, everything seemed so much easier around them. Well, my little brother and cousin didn't really appreciate that, haha. I was constantly getting the boot for my opinions and not wanting to "play" and for lots of other things, lol. Of course in my run from drama it ended up creating drama and eventually it caught up with me about 4 to 5 (ish) years ago and that's when I found out who my real friends were and in a way it was one of the best things to happen to me. I didn't understand it at the time. I was mad at God and everyone else but than that's when all of the weight and stress left my life. I was finally able to let all of that baggage go and move on. So yeah, sometimes it's really rough being you. People won't always understand and sometimes it'll seem really hard but it's much better this way, I promise! No more trying to please everyone else, no more beating yourself up, no more never feeling good enough - just you. You and all the greatness that comes from being the real you and loving every bit of it! I am so proud of little cousin for realizing this at such a young age and wanting to share it even though she's scared to. She understands the importance of it. It's bigger than her. Hearing her talk just reminded me of the importance of it. She told me about how much it weighed her down and how her friends struggle with it too. I can't help but think about how I'll need to plant that seed into my child - whenever we have one, lol. How important it is to love yourself the way you are. Do you make you happy? Do you like you? One of my friends has a daughter who is 7 years old and she is already worried about makeup and hair products. At 7 years old all I was worried about was if my fort in the words was going to still be standing the next morning, haha. But it's sad to think that all of these little kids are so worried about their image at such a young age. Of course my friend is trying very hard to put that seed in her daughters ear that she is beautiful the way she is but kids do hear a lot of things from their friends and they stick too. I just try to continue to encourage my cousin to be the difference. Jesus was always getting laughed at, put down and crucified for being different but if he didn't do it than we would all be lost. Go 

against the flow. I've learned to not care what people think of me but to just be the best me that I can be. . Everyone is searching for something different...be that difference.

   I am trying to find my confidence again. I've learned to love who I am but I need to work on loving my body, not just the way it looks but taking care of it. And as far as my workout....it's hard, haha! I mean it kicks my butt! Even though I am almost dead afterwards (haha) I feel great! I feel accomplished, like I'm finally doing something instead of just sitting around watching tv, eating or feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually doing something! And even if I don't get all of the super - incredible results that a lot of the other girls get from doing this program, I will still be happy that I am actually doing something and making a change for the better. I already have more energy. I might not have a ton but I don't like sitting around as much anymore. I'm actually motivated to do things even if it's just around the house. I just feel a lot better and I'm only a week into this! I'm sure it's a mental thing but hey, if I'm doing and feeling better - who cares! Oh, and something that made me happy too was that this weekend, the girl I'm working out with was sick so couldn't do it with me so she sent me the plans and I had to do it myself and i did it! Of course I'm not happy my friend was sick (haha) but that I went all the way through the workout, pushing myself and completed the whole thing. Not going to lie, I was worried I was going to slack off and cut it a little short but I went through with it and did it!

   Oh! On side note, this weekend I went to one of my friends house for her baby's sex reveal part and she's going to have a boy!! I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that my friend from middle school is now married with a baby boy on the way.....when did we get so old, haha! So congrats to them and the start of their little family!!! I am super excited to get to know this little fellow!! 

Making Some Changes!

   So, I've decided to start working out again. I actually have an accountability partner this time so I'm more likely to stick to it, ha! I've never done something like this, as far as this type of workout. I'm someone who needs to be careful while working out because of having to keep my heart rate under control so it's hard to find something that works for me. Usually I get exhausted way before my muscles do. For the first time I have finally found a workout that makes my muscles hurt before I get tired and that's so nice! I'm doing it with my cousin, who is super fit and athletic by the way, and I thought it would be hard trying to do something like this with her because we are so different and I was very worried I would get discouraged and lose my motivation but she has surprised me. She is very supportive and encourages me to take a break when I need to and reminded me to breathe, haha! It is totally kicking me in the pants! It's hard! It's been four days since leg day and I am still pretty sore but I LOVE it! I feel like I am actually making a difference and working toward being healthy. I don't want to be "skinny" - I just want to be healthy and fit. Like, I would like to be be able to move better and have more energy. I'm ready to feel more confident in my own skin again. Well, at least fit back into my old clothes, haha! And you know if nothing else I'm just glad I'm actually doing something for myself. Pretty much the only type of workout I could do was Yoga and I still love it but I need to pick up the pace a little with summer coming, I don't have much time. What I am doing is workout that lasts 12 weeks and was designed by a woman my cousin found on Instagram. Her username is @kayla_itsines if you would like to check her out, but if I could get results even close to what some of the girls on there are getting than I will be super happy! 
I thought too that if I write about it than that would also help me, you guys are keeping me accountable too. So, hopefully, this summer I will be looking a lot different! 

Me and Dillon were also talking about it and we both agree it's so much more than looking good for us but that we want to be able to enjoy life and not be held back because of a lack of confidence or literally not being able to make our bodies do something because of not being in shape. And because obviously we love each other so we would kind of like for one another to stick around for a while, ha! So, for us both it's definitely more than wanting to look good, or being the skinniest one on the boat but about health, strength and loving ourselves enough to take care of ourselves. Of course it's a bonus to look good and not be the biggest on the boat but you know even the Bible talks about taking care of the Temple which is referring your body. So, I'm going to try to be a little better about that.

   I'm not going to lie, I feel like this would help with a lot of other areas in my life. I'm a lazy person sometimes. I feel like this could have a lot to do with my confidence level. I just feel unaccomplished. I want to be more accomplished. I used to do a lot more. I want to do more. Like singing. It's totally off subject but I used to sing a lot. I miss being up on stage, even though I was in front of a lot of people I was lost in my own little world. Music has always been a passion of mine. I love it! I love to make it, dance to it, sing with it. I don't do that so much anymore. Except on my way to and from work in my truck. I want to feel free again. Not so weighed down. It's like, my life is the best it has ever been! My life is so great! I love it...but I don't love myself as much as I used to. But that's actually starting to change. Honestly, so much of that has changed since I've started working out. I'm starting to find me again. I mean just imagine how awesome it would be if you loved your life and yourself. I'm going to do that! My life is going to change, guys, and it is going to be a ride but it'll also awesome!! But, guys, I need you to pray for me....I'm doing arms and abs tomorrow. I'M GOING TO DIE!! Haha, I hope you guys have a good day!

Some of me.

   So this is my first blog. I've never done anything like this before so for the first one I thought I might just let anyone who cares to take the time to read this to get to know a little bit about me. My name is Autumn, I am currently 23 and have been married for a little over a year and a half. So far it has been the best year and a half of my life! I am so blessed to have finally met the one person I want to spend every moment of my life with. Even though sometimes it can be hard, and trust me it has it's moments, it's TOTALLY worth it! I have a (apparently) very old-fashioned point of view, when I said "till death do us part" I meant it with every bit of me so no matter how hard it gets, I'm in it for life. It's a constant work, pursuing each other, giving and taking, finding common ground, respect, lots of love and much, MUCH more but also remembering why you fell in love with each other in the first place! Having fun! He makes me better and I hope I do the same for him, haha! I've never been so happy. I get to spend everyday with my bestfriend. Well, I guess I don't get to see him as much as I would like. He works swing-shift at Michelin, 2 weeks on nights and 2 weeks on days. So it's kind of hard to make our schedules match up sometimes. But it's currently a part of God's big plan so I just need to be thankful that he has a job. 

   Contrary to popular belief, my friends are a very big part of my life. A comment was made once that was something like "Autumn, a girl who puts her husband before her friends" - this comment was meant in a negative way and the only thing I had to say to that was "a girl who puts her friends before her husband has no business being married in the first place." Like I said, I have a very old-fashioned point of view, lol, but I believe it's God first, then my husband and family and then friends. So needless to say I have trimmed the list in the last few years but I now have found the people I can depend on, true friends. And just let me tell you they are the coolest people on the planet!! I love them to death! I am so happy to have people around me that build me up and encourage me. I love having positivity in my life. I am someone who tries to keep my life as stress free as possible and I prefer to spend my time with care free, goofy, weird, people who just make me laugh. I swear sometimes we're laughing at the stupidest things, like to the point of not being able to breathe and crying but it is freaking awesome! One of my favorite things is when my husband, his brother and our best friend start quoting Dumb and Dumber - not just the script but actually acting it out. This is basically the movie that they live their lives by, haha. They will get to laughing so hard they can barely stand and you can not understand what they're saying. Of course during moments like this I have my phone out and I am recording it for things black-mail, haha, just kidding.

   I have two awesome girl-friends who are extremely unique, haha. And I mean that of course in the best possible way! They are the only two girls that I can stand to be around for long periods of time, haha. They are very supportive, positive and so much fun. But my favorite thing about these two is they are extremely honest. Which is hard to find in girls. Apparently we like to sugarcoat things and not hurt peoples feelings but with these two it's very honest. Of course not being ugly but sometimes the truth isn't always pretty. And I appreciate that they respect me and each other enough to tell the truth.
   We are a very close group of friends who pretty much do everything together. They are my family and I love them to death! Lately there have been some changes in my life. A few doors have opened to some relationships that I was not expecting. One in particular that I am super excited about! I've known her my whole life but recently we have connected and with her and her boyfriend and they are pretty great!

   So now that you've got the more personal side of me, we can move on, lol. I come from a big family who are all very different and sometimes dysfunctional, hahaha, but they are the best! My family is full of love and support, we're all very close. I have two brothers (Adam who is 27 and Gabriel who is 22) and two sisters (Dawn who is 34 and Shelby who is 33). I also consider my in-laws to be my siblings as well. I have 3 brother-in-laws (Dustin who is Dillon's brother, Ricardo who is Shelby's husband and Brandon who is married to Dawn) and one sister-in-law (Brooke who is married to Adam). I have 6 nephews with another on the way and one niece.
   As far a what I do for a job, I am a substitute teacher but I am currently doing a maternity-leave for a lady who is a companion aide in a self contained special ed room. I have worked a lot with special needs students since I've been doing teaching but this class is different from the rest of the classes I've done. Some people think it's fun and games all day and others think it's super hard and say they could never do something like that. Yeah, it's not always easy. It is very challenging but also super rewarding. I love these kids. They definitely have me hooked and it breaks my heart to think that they are just going to be in my life for only a little while. It's so sad but I LOVE my job! I mean seriously, who gets to say they love their job? I am also very lucky with the people I am working with. They are great and have been so nice to me, I really enjoy working with them!
   I love kids, probably because I'm too much of one myself, haha. I also love people, bonfires, lake days, movie nights, photography, writing, the mountains and the beach, nature, I like fashion (although you'd never be able to tell), I have an obsession with the idea of one day owning my own horse and spending every moment with it, lol. I love fast cars, old cars and working on cars but I'm not very good at it. Dillon likes to do that himself, haha. I LOVE riding our FZ1 through the mountains! One of these days I will have my own bike - I'm determined, haha.  I'm very relaxed, incredibly easily entertained and think that cotton-candy fixes everything. So that's me, lol. Or at least all that I feel like sharing about me, lol. Thanks for reading!