Inspiration Comes From Small Things Too

 

 I take my little cousin home everyday from school and of course we talk a lot during this time. She is 11 years old and quite bright. Friday when we were on our way home she told me she had something to tell me. She seemed nervous so I was very anxious to hear, lol. She asked me if I would be able to come one Wednesday morning before school to the classroom where kids from her school meet, it's kind of like a short bible study before school. I asked what for and she told me that she talked to teacher that over sees it and that she will be speaking sometime soon and she wanted me to come to support her. She said "I'm really nervous and I don't really want to do it but I feel like I need to because I know other people struggle with this and I don't think God would appreciate me keeping it to myself." She then started to tell me about a book she is reading. She said "It's mostly talking to girls but I know boys struggle with this too. Everyone has something they don't like about themselves and may have someone they would rather be." This book she is reading is about being you and loving the you that God created. She told me the statement that stuck out to her the most was "if you think you're not good enough than you're saying that God's creation isn't good enough." Of course there is room for improvement. We should all try to be better but be the better you, don't compare yourself to someone else and think you need to be more like them. God chose you to be the way you are because he wanted it that way. He did it on purpose. You are on purpose. He shaped you to be different. No one else out there is like you. Think about it, how boring would it be if there was others like you? Everyone wants to be different to an extent but most want to be different in other ways than what they already are. This was something I used to struggle with in middle school as well but I finally got exhausted with trying to be someone other than me and learned to love being who God created me to be. I do struggle with physical issues still but I am currently working on that and so far it is going very well. I will talk more about that in a little while. But I finally started to realized that God made me specifically the way he wanted me to be and I need to respect that. I'm finally now happy being who I am. I may not always like what everyone else likes, I might not do what everyone else does, dress like everyone else does, think like everyone else does, etc. But I don't have to try anymore and I have never been happier. I'm surrounded by people who get me and like that I'm different or weird and they may laugh at me sometimes but it's a laugh that is more like we are laughing together and not trying to tear me down. Yeah, we definitely laugh at each other but it's never to be ugly. It's nice to have friends that love you for who you truly are and not for who you're trying to be. That was one thing that was hard for me, in middle school I remember people telling other people things about me that they liked but it wasn't really me - it was someone I was trying to be and I remember it just making me feel so low knowing that was there their favorite thing about me and it wasn't even me. Not even close. It's so nice to be able to be me. I don't have to try anymore. Listening to my little cousin talk reminded me of all that stuff I went through trying to find myself. Those were some rough memories, haha! Gosh, I'm so glad I'm done with middle and  high school, haha! I was always one to not care for all the drama. And in a lot of my friends eyes, if I wasn't being a part of the drama than I didn't care about them. Even as a kid I always wanted to be around adults, everything seemed so much easier around them. Well, my little brother and cousin didn't really appreciate that, haha. I was constantly getting the boot for my opinions and not wanting to "play" and for lots of other things, lol. Of course in my run from drama it ended up creating drama and eventually it caught up with me about 4 to 5 (ish) years ago and that's when I found out who my real friends were and in a way it was one of the best things to happen to me. I didn't understand it at the time. I was mad at God and everyone else but than that's when all of the weight and stress left my life. I was finally able to let all of that baggage go and move on. So yeah, sometimes it's really rough being you. People won't always understand and sometimes it'll seem really hard but it's much better this way, I promise! No more trying to please everyone else, no more beating yourself up, no more never feeling good enough - just you. You and all the greatness that comes from being the real you and loving every bit of it! I am so proud of little cousin for realizing this at such a young age and wanting to share it even though she's scared to. She understands the importance of it. It's bigger than her. Hearing her talk just reminded me of the importance of it. She told me about how much it weighed her down and how her friends struggle with it too. I can't help but think about how I'll need to plant that seed into my child - whenever we have one, lol. How important it is to love yourself the way you are. Do you make you happy? Do you like you? One of my friends has a daughter who is 7 years old and she is already worried about makeup and hair products. At 7 years old all I was worried about was if my fort in the words was going to still be standing the next morning, haha. But it's sad to think that all of these little kids are so worried about their image at such a young age. Of course my friend is trying very hard to put that seed in her daughters ear that she is beautiful the way she is but kids do hear a lot of things from their friends and they stick too. I just try to continue to encourage my cousin to be the difference. Jesus was always getting laughed at, put down and crucified for being different but if he didn't do it than we would all be lost. Go 

against the flow. I've learned to not care what people think of me but to just be the best me that I can be. . Everyone is searching for something different...be that difference.

   I am trying to find my confidence again. I've learned to love who I am but I need to work on loving my body, not just the way it looks but taking care of it. And as far as my workout....it's hard, haha! I mean it kicks my butt! Even though I am almost dead afterwards (haha) I feel great! I feel accomplished, like I'm finally doing something instead of just sitting around watching tv, eating or feeling sorry for myself. I'm actually doing something! And even if I don't get all of the super - incredible results that a lot of the other girls get from doing this program, I will still be happy that I am actually doing something and making a change for the better. I already have more energy. I might not have a ton but I don't like sitting around as much anymore. I'm actually motivated to do things even if it's just around the house. I just feel a lot better and I'm only a week into this! I'm sure it's a mental thing but hey, if I'm doing and feeling better - who cares! Oh, and something that made me happy too was that this weekend, the girl I'm working out with was sick so couldn't do it with me so she sent me the plans and I had to do it myself and i did it! Of course I'm not happy my friend was sick (haha) but that I went all the way through the workout, pushing myself and completed the whole thing. Not going to lie, I was worried I was going to slack off and cut it a little short but I went through with it and did it!

   Oh! On side note, this weekend I went to one of my friends house for her baby's sex reveal part and she's going to have a boy!! I still can't quite wrap my head around the fact that my friend from middle school is now married with a baby boy on the way.....when did we get so old, haha! So congrats to them and the start of their little family!!! I am super excited to get to know this little fellow!!